Makeup is a powerful thing, one with a light side and a dark side. It can be an act of self-care and a confidence-booster, or a vehicle for self-expression. It can also be a mask we hide behind by blending in with the crowd, and it can develop within us a far-too critical eye for ourselves and those around us.
The good news is, makeup is powerful because we make it so, and fittingly, that means you get to decide what kind of relationship you have with it!
Let’s start by evaluating your current relationship with makeup.
What’s your relationship with makeup? Ten questions to ask yourself
Here are 10 questions that you can ask yourself now to evaluate your relationship with makeup:
- Re-read the first paragraph of this post. Which half of it resonated the most? If you can answer this question right away, then you you probably already know what kind of relationship you have.
- When I buy makeup, and I spending within my means?
- Do I make frequent impulse purchases, or do I purchase intentionally?
- Am I using and loving my existing collection?
- Is makeup fun, or is it a chore?
- Who’s opinion matters most when I’m doing my makeup – mine, or theirs?
- Am I trying to hide or correct, or am I creating a canvas for magic?
- Do I celebrate my features, or try to hide them?
- When I notice others’ makeup (or lack thereof), are my thoughts encouraging or critical?
- Is my heart feeling light or heavy?
Read on to dive deeper into each of these 10 questions and see what they reveal about your relationship with makeup.
When you read the first paragraph of this post, which half of it resonated the most?
If you can answer this question right away, then you you probably already know what kind of relationship you have. Makeup is what you make out of it, so it’s important to identify whether your thoughts around it are empowering and uplifting, or restrictive and judgement-based. This is really at the heart of this topic.
When I buy makeup, and I spending within my means?
I’m not about to judge how much one chooses to spend on makeup – there’s no universally “right budget” nor is there a “right size of collection”. The important thing is that you evaluate those things for yourself! So, do you have a makeup budget? Does it come out of a catch-all “fun money” pool, or do you have a specific makeup budget? Do you check your budget-to-actual spending before you make a purchase?
Why all the fuss about budgeting and finance, anyways? The industry is designed to churn a profit, and they do so by enticing us into buying stuff we probably don’t need and won’t use up. The mass consmmerism can become a big problem and it promotes an unhealthy relationship (see “the light and dark side of makeup).
Spending on makeup should enhance your lifestyle, not limit it.
Do I make frequent impulse purchases, or do I purchase intentionally?
Have you ever gone to the store for a basic item and come back with a new lipstick or mascara to try? Yup, me too! Little impulse purchases are fun, but they tend to account for a lot of the makeup collection that we have but don’t use. Why? We didn’t look into whether the formula would work for us, or whether the shade is essentially a dupe for something already in our collection, or whether it falls outside of our budget and feeds into the issues above.
So what does intentional purchasing look like? There’s an element of planning and a bit of a delay to it. For example, I might identify a gap in my collection, consider which product would fit it fill it, and then bring it home.
What about viral products? They work for everyone, so they’re worth a shot, right? Okay – fair point, although I question how much viralness is because a product has legitimately universally impressive results, but I digress. If a viral product has me tempted, I’ll really try to envision how and where the product would fit into my routine and lifestyle before I bring it home. I’ll stick it on a wish list for a little while and see if it still stands out as complementing my existing collection in a few weeks.
For exmaple, I’ve been really tempted to try the Huda Beauty Easy Bake Loose Baking and Setting Powder in Cherry Blossom Cake, but I gave it some thought for a few weeks and I realized that practically, I don’t love the extra time and care it would take for me to use a loose setting powder; and in fact, I’d rather give the Haus Labs by Lady Gaga Triclone Skin Tech Hydrating + De-Puffing Concealer a shot and see if I can forego powder altogether.
Am I using and loving my existing collection?
It’s helpful to evaluate whether you’re enjoying using the makeup you have. If you’re happily engaging with your existing collection, I’d say you’re on the right track! If not, what is it about your collection that makes you not want to use it?
If you’re not loving your existing collection, maybe the products aren’t working for you, or maybe you’re struggling with the reason you use them in the first place. Personally, there was a point in time where I wasn’t using my collection and I realized it was because I was using my makeup out of obligation to “appear presentable” to the world, and I just wanted to be me, eye bags, blemishes and all. That was an unhealthy relationship to makeup that I inevitably had to heal from.
On the flip side, we might be ignoring our existing collection because we like the rush of acquiring new makeup – if so, are we using it as a crutch to deal with things like hurt or frustration or boredom?
Is makeup fun, or is it a chore?
Following that last point, I’d hate for you to be putting on makeup just because you feel like you have to. I have enough responsibilities and chores to take care of day-in and day-out, and I’m not about to make putting on makeup another one. That being said, I do it nearly every day because it brings me joy! I love my products, I have a lot of fun doing the application and admiring the result. It’s just fun!
Speaking of which, what about social media? It’s a very different mindset trying to keep up with trends and techniques because you feel you have to so that your look is “current”, versus enjoying seeing what everyone else is doing, taking what you like as inspiration, and leaving what you don’t.
Who’s opinion matters most when I’m doing my makeup – mine, or theirs?
We ask our friends or spouses whether they like a certain colour on us. We look around to see what makeup our bosses and colleagues do to determine what’s acceptable at work. We follow beauty gurus and influencers so we know what the current trends are. So where does my opinion end and others’ begin?
I’ll concede that some standards are “necessary” (eg. some workplaces are strict about makeup use). The line gets crossed when we start internalizing standards that aren’t necessary (eg. my girlfriend doesn’t like me in a red lip, so that’s out). When makeup starts being more about what other people like on us than what we like on ourselves, it takes the personal power out of it.
In case you need a reminder: You are not here to meet someone else’s standard of beauty!
Am I trying to hide or correct, or am I creating a canvas for magic?
There’s a fine line to walk here, and it’s all in the state of mind: are you anxiously covering that blemish because heaven forbid anyone realize you’re anything less than “perfect”? (Who decided “perfect” means “blemish-free”, anyways?) Or, are you happily covering up that blemish because you love the way you look in a base? Maybe you like a more even canvas to kick off your day and let the rest of your makeup sing? It’s the same action, but a very different mindset.
Do I celebrate my features, or try to hide them?
Similar to the last point but deserving its own moment is embracing our own unique features. I’m not saying you have to love every single thing about yourself, but constantly trying to “fix” your natural features is not an empowering place to come from!
Let’s pick on hooded eyes: maybe your preference is not to have hooded eyes; okay, fine. But are you going in there with the eyeshadow saying “I need to fix my hood”, or are you going in there saying “this shadow will really make my lovely eyes pop”? Again, same shadow, different mindset.
When I notice others’ makeup (or lack thereof), are my thoughts encouraging or critical?
If you’re having trouble pinpointing how you’re feeling about yourself when it comes to makeup, it might help to notice how you think about others; after all, it’s no secret that we tend to unleash our inner critic on the people around us.
If you find that you can be judgemental about other peoples’ apperance, it’s very likely that you hold yourself to an incredibly high standard, and you’re unintentionally imposing those standards onto everyone around you.
Some example critical thoughts:
- If he’d just slap on some foundation, he’d be way more attractive.
- She is not pulling off that lip colour.
- Oh, they’re going full-glam to the grocery store, what a choice.
Same scenarios but with encouraging thoughts:
- He’s comfortable in his skin. Maybe I’ll go for a no-makeup day sometime.
- That’s an interesting lip colour, not to my taste but I do love experimenting.
- What a great full-glam moment!
Now if you’re reading this and you have been judgemental lately, relax – you’re safe. Practice some self-love! There’s no quick fix, but there are a few things you can practice to cultivate a happier, healthier state of mind when it comes to your makeup:
- Work some no-makeup days into your routine, and pick out the parts of you that you love, even makeup-free.
- Break through limiting beliefs. What’s one thing you’ve always thought would be neat to do, but you thought was a big “no-no”? Is it a bold red lip to the gym? Go for it. It’s just makeup, and it washes off.
- Notice critical thoughts that arise when you put on makeup (I have to hide this blemish!) and replace them with affirmations instead (I love a nice even canvas!)
Working through the other questions in this list will give you a great start to cultivating a happier, healthier relationship with makeup, and once you’ve improved that relationship you’ll find that your criticism of others melts away.
Is my heart feeling light or heavy?
Inveitably, you know if you’ve got a healthy relationship with something if it lifts you up and literally makes you feel light because you enjoy it, you’re having fun, it’s empowering.
The relationship is not so healthy if it literally makes you feel heavy; maybe in the shoulders, chest or stomach, because you’re hiding your true self, because you’re doing this for others, or because you’re otherwise dealing with feelings of guilt.
Okay, my relationship with makeup is leaning unhealthy. What can I do?
The ultimate answer: Work on your self-love.
When you love and respect yourself:
- You recognize that you deserve not to worry about your finances
- You cultivate a collection full of only things that you use and love
- Your makeup becomes a celebration of your features and your unique tastes
- The act of putting on makeup becomes an act of self-care
- You know yourself and you wear looks that you like, you don’t even think about what others might think
- You celebrate the beauty in yourself and you start to see the beauty in others
- You spend more time feeling light and joyful!
Okay, but self-love is a huge topic – is there anything specific and practical that I can do now?
Sure!
If you’ve gone through the questions above, can you pinpoint what really struck a chord? Those are clues as to where to get started. For example, you make impulse purchases. How do you feel about that – are you hiding them when you get home? You might be feeling some guilt around them, then. Why? Are they outside your budget? Are you neglecting some of your awesome existing makeup? Are they really just a distraction from a bigger issue you’re dealing with?
Once you’ve pinpointed one or two areas that you want to work on, it’s time to take action. Have you been doing makeup for acceptance by others? Pick a day and do the makeup you’ve always wanted to do. Get some affirmations ready. If you’re afraid of getting unsolicited opinions (“I prefer you with neutral eyeshadow”), have some strong, confident and uplifting volleys back, and remember to be non-appologetic. You don’t owe anyone their ideal makeup look, come on now. Try these:
“I’ve always wanted to try purple eyeshadow and I love it!”
“I’m really happy with my look today.”
“I wear what makes me feel my best!”
“I prefer you with colourful eyeshadow.” (Just kidding – unless you can do it in a playful way!)
I sure hope this helps. Just as we’ve talked about the fine line between the light and dark side of makeup, there’s a fine line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship with makeup, and we all cross it occasionally. But again I say:
Makeup is only powerful becaues you make it so.
So get out there, have fun, and celebrate your unique and wonderful self!
Featured image by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash
